A change of venue ➡︎

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Hola,

This is a quick one for anyone who might like to continue following these missives.

I’ve moved the blog over to http://christianburne.com/

Despite remaining on WordPress (and unlike the content) I am unable to automatically transfer all  ‘Follower’ details. So if you’d like to carry on getting updates (hint: there’s been a twist in the journey that might make that worthwhile!) I’d be delighted if you’d click on that link above ⬆︎and re-subscribe using the box on the new site.

Thanks a mill. & Peace & Calm

CB

#28 | Rambling (again)

(More thoughts from the long grass)

It’s a dragon, Jim. But not as we know it.

Ah such an ‘Unvirtuous’ circle.

Good days and bad days.

Good days, sense of urgency to get things done. Then bad days. Best laid plans get shelved.

You have to let people down. And worse, you  don’t really want to tell the truth – to some, an injured wolf is a poor bet – opportunities dissolve.

So when dragon snarls, what does one do?

Some truths. Tried and tested.

Be honest and open with those you trust. You’re being pushed into a terribly hard journey, don’t make it harder by having to duck and weave.

Expand your view of what is what. Bad to be poorly, good to be alive. To share. To teach.

Give yourself a break and listen to your body. Biology is consciousness.

Take an audit of what you can do from home. What you may do if you feel alright, and what you need to 100% put on hold. If people don’t like it, then they’re not worth your time. Or your courage.

Is Money an issue?

Look for help, speak to friends and family, doctors etc..the support is there. Money has two faces. Don’t assume it’s an enemy. There is always a way. Always.

Stay positive and focused – if you’re relapsing, then it means you’ve beaten it once. You can do it again – but you need ‘you’ on your side. More than anyone else.

Get clear. On everything – what’s worrying, what’s good, what’s odd, hopeful, scary – everything. Write it down. Talk, share and then understand where you need support.

Outside of medicine, build your back up team – healers, mentors, friends. And create a physical environment that supports what you need. Make it warm (sir). Make it healing. Safe. Honest. Supportive.

And know. Above all else. Know that everything will be ok. You, them and even those people over there. Everything will be ok.

We are not broken. We are simply human. And to be human is a wonderful thing.

Embrace the dualism of life. The balance, the perfect balance that exists in all things. No one thing can exist without its polar opposite. And so we can remove labels and find the deep calm in allowing ourselves to be expressed by and through nature.

There is a time for everything. And this too, will pass.

[And breathe]

#26 | Rambling

(Unedited thoughts from the long grass)

A dear and trusted co-pilot once told me; ” just write. write and don’t look back. don’t check. don’t edit. just get it down…”

We shared several Hendricks & Tonics in between the black notes of a Soho dusk. It was sound advice.

One learn’s a lot about one’s self during the inhales of a ramble.

This is a ramble. I’ll be sharing a few.

No doubt it will be littered – Carnival weekend littered – with grammatical car crashes and pitiful spelling. But one will learn a lot about one’s self during the inhales of a ramble. So I’m trying to not care.

This, is a ramble. (I do care, but I’m trying not to.)

So I find myself (slouching towards another birthday ) caught in the tension of a spirit vs science stand-off.

Biochemically, the dragon stirs. With menace.

The highs and lows are getting shorter.  The bell curve, shaped with less forgiveness.

And yet the spirit fights on. Pushing back hard against dem’  numbers.

The binarism of science versus the ambiguous and serial subjectivity of my Truth. My delicate, precious and yet profoundly empowering Truth.

(This, I must teach you, darling).

For now, treatment remains a suspended shadow in the dark corridor to the left. Yet the tension seems to tighten, daily, down the corridor to the right.

And then there’s grief.

For what’s been. But more confusingly, for what’s to come.

Or for what’s to be lost? I get confused.

The things that scare me most are not the things that will happen, it’s the things that won’t. Or at least will, but I may be forced to miss.

But it’s foolish, isn’t it? Being human is a fucking train crash sometimes.

I am of a strange and perhaps slightly contentious belief, that those who are chosen to endure nature’s cruelty, do so with a responsibility to share what they learn or are learning along the way, with others.

To teach. Seed hope. Help. Soothe. Lest others may one day find themselves in similar plots.

But I struggle with the balance. How about you? The balance between drawing from experience to teach, versus simply wanting to talk and be heard. Understood.

Loved?

When does this type of teacher become a victim? And when does is he become annoying? Are there rules here?

Neutral is hard. But reality is a mess.

(This, is a ramble. I’m trying not to care).

I wrote half a book once. You may have a read it.

I have so much to say, and I think, so much to teach. And yet it turns out, whilst the Melphalan was able to stall dragon, it couldn’t smote the fear.

Of Judgment. Ridicule. Rejection. But then there’s that responsibility. Sense of duty.  Even, dare I say, Purpose?

Being human is a fucking train crash sometimes.

I can’t bring myself to write the other half. And yet that is where the teaching is. Survival against the odds unveils our greatest wisdom and most edifying lessons.

Is this the work, Charlie? Is this the corridor we need to walk.

(Listen, the biggest tragedy is not that we are never loved, because we are always loved, it’s that sometimes we grant neither permission not access to the deepest parts of us that need it most.)

So this, was a ramble.

#24 | How to Identify Limiting Beliefs #1

A few weeks back I kicked off a bar fight with Beliefs. Well, limiting ones anyway.

(Catch up on that post here)

FACT: almost all our trials and tribulations in life are due to the limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves, or the world. Typically onboarded as children without realising; compounded over time as the result of our minds desire to keep us away from danger.

This week we get into how to do something about them. Limiting beliefs can be changed and new, empowering one’s installed in their place. When they are, lives can often be completely transformed.

For this first one, I have borrowed a brilliant exercise shard by EFT specialist Andy Hunt.

Very simple and very easy to do, and if you’re committed enough, will shed a lot of light on what’s lurking beneath.

The ‘Because’ method:

Unfortunately, our limiting beliefs are often unconscious and unquestioned, a part of the fabric of our perceptions, which makes them hard to find.

Other people’s limiting beliefs can be easy to spot because we are on the outside looking in, but our own remain hidden. That’s why there will always be work for good therapists and coaches.

But what are we going to do if there isn’t a therapist or coach available?

Are we doomed to wander ignorant of our own limiting beliefs because we can’t see them?

Fortunately, there is a simple way to bring lots of limiting beliefs into consciousness using just one word. It’s a simple word, readily available and deeply familiar …

‘Because…’

When Because appears in a sentence it is usually followed by a reason:
* I can’t go out tonight because I am washing my hair (well, not me…)
* I can’t start a new business now because the economy is on its knees.
* I can’t change jobs because I am too old.
Each time you hear “because” you are going to hear a reason for the statement that comes just before it, and we can use the power of because to bring our “reasons” out into the open.

Before describing how to use Because for this, it is worth acknowledging that there are two kinds of reasons that could be uncovered:

Facts are descriptions of reality

“I am cold because it is snowing”

It is snowing is a description of the environment, people are often cold if it snowing. That’s not a limiting belief that’s a result of our external reality.

Beliefs are descriptions of our ideas about external reality (often confused with facts)

“I am alone because nobody wants me”

“Nobody wants me” is not a description of reality (even though it may be confused with one). It is a belief, an idea about reality.
The word nobody is a giveaway. There are more than 6,000,000,000 people on the planet (that’s a lot). It is impossible to know whether one of those six billion people would be interested in them. In a whole lifetime, it would not be possible to meet even a tiny fraction of those people to find out. Nevertheless, for this person, it may be a convincing idea about reality.

Is a reason a fact or a belief?

Sometimes, it can be difficult to decide if a reason is a fact or a belief. Fortunately, there is a simple test: treat it as a belief and work with it. If it is a fact it probably won’t change if it is a belief it probably will.

So how can we use because to expose our limiting beliefs?

1. Choose a problem

If you are going to uncover limiting beliefs you need a predicament to work with. If limiting beliefs cause difficulties for us which difficulty are we going to investigate?

* I can’t start a new business
* I am alone
* I can’t make enough money
* Our relationship is struggling
*etc…

So what is going on in your world that you suspect may be a result of limiting beliefs?

2. Harvest all the possible reasons

Write down a sentence that briefly describes the problem followed by the word Because:

* I can’t start a new business because …
* I am alone because …
* I can’t make enough money because …
* My relationship is struggling because …
* [problem ] because …

Now say your “because” sentence out loud, then write down whatever comes into your head that completes the sentence. Write as fast as you can and without judgement.

Say the “because” sentence again, and write down whatever comes into your head this time as fast as you can and without judgements.

Repeat this process as many times as you can, until you run out of sentences, either because you have the feeling that the well has run dry, or you find you are repeating yourself.
Important: It is essential that you put your judging mind to one side for this process. The aim here is to get as many reasons as possible, so don’t evaluate your reasons at this point. Go as quickly as you can – this allows the information to float up from your unconscious without being blocked by the analytical mind.

3. Pick the wheat from the chaff

Now we have a list of reasons we can sort through at our leisure and identify which of the reasons are limiting beliefs and which are just the random chatter of the mind.

Work through your list of because sentences, saying each out loud.

Give the reason a truth score from 0-10 where 0 is false and 10 is true (this is how true it feels, not how true it is logically).

Repeat this process for each of the reasons until you have a list of reasons that have some emotional charge.

Now you have a list of reasons (limiting beliefs) that can be worked on.

How many beliefs can I expect to find?

You could find just one or two beliefs, or you could find 10 or more. If you do find a lot of limiting beliefs don’t despair, things might not be as bad as they seem.

* At least you know what to work on: This is big a step forward from having a problem and not knowing what to do with it.

* The beliefs you uncover are probably related: This is good news, if you make a dent in a big limiting belief there is a strong chance that the other beliefs will be softened automatically.

You might only have to work through a few of them systematically to get big reductions in the others.

However many beliefs you find, all you need to do now is change them.

Happy hunting….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#21 | Borrowed Wisdom #3

“As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal) he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).”

Hunter S Thompson

#20 | The Pain Of Starting

(https://goo.gl/maps/dmckrKfcQMT2)

It’s ten past four on the afternoon of the first of February.
The coffee machine is out of order.
People are grumpy, vulnerable.
And scared. Very scared.
The clinic, as usual, is running late.
Up to 80 minutes.
But it’s ok, ok, ok, ok because, we may be seen earlier.
If possible.
And besides; somebody somewhere is deeply sorry for the inconvenience.

This is a special place.
A curious, spectacular train crash of everything that makes us so tormentedly human.
Tricked out to look like something different.
But no-one here is fooled.
Impossible chords of bravery, courage, sadness and hope chime between its walls.
And charge the air between the people that blink here.
Some of whom used to walk in.
Now they roll out.
And stare ahead.
Trying to remember where they placed the breadcrumbs.
Back to that ‘other thing’ they used to wake up to.

I’m lonely.
Every 6 or so weeks I come to this place.
Alone.
My choice.
But alone, nonetheless.
It’s a unique place in which I am able to be a unique version of me.
Stripped bare of ego.
Grumpy, sometimes.
Vulnerable, scared, always.
But uniquely, me.
My parallel universe.
Where the loneliness hurts but is necessary and welcome.
A bridge.
From that guy to this one.
Lucid, wide open, honest, transparent.
And sorry.
For not being a better this, that and the other.
For not having the courage to be more of this me, out there.
But that’s the goal, isn’t it?

I’m trying.

We all long for beautiful, brilliant lives.
But beautiful, brilliant lives do not just happen.
They are built daily.
With courage.
Humility.
Sacrifice.
And love.
(May that beautiful life be yours always.)
Love for others.
Love for ourselves.
Our ideas.
Plans.
The things we believe in.

They say graveyards are the richest places on the planet.
Ideas worth trillions, buried with souls on new journeys.
Gone but for the grace of provenance.
Maybe those people didn’t love themselves enough.
Or their ideas.
Plans.
The things they believed in.
Or perhaps they were just scared.
Overwhelmed.
Couldn’t find where or how to start.

To start.
To truly start, it would seem, is the hardest peak to climb.
Because to truly start is to commit to a beautiful, brilliant life.
All bridges burned.
Courage
Humility.
Sacrifice.
And love.
For others.
Ourselves.
Our ideas.
Plans.
The things we believe in.
I’ve tried to start.
So many times.
And yet I find myself nowhere nearer to where I want to be.
Cycling in and out of hopeful elevators.
Or am I?

Has all this toiling in turbulence brought me to the very place to which I once pointed at on the map?
Is one man’s turbulence, another man’s clarity?
Another man’s Calm?
And were the bridges burned on my behalf?

Scored by Nils Frahm, they’ll come to get me soon.
Maybe it’s finally time to start.
To commit to that beautiful, brilliant life.
Or what’s left of it.
Humility.
Sacrifice.
And Love
For myself.
My ideas.
Plans.
The thing that I believe in.
Which, as some may know.
Is Others.
Their plans.
And the things that they believe in.

The pain in soil covered ideas far outweighs the pain of starting.

Please start. Just. Start.

Strange. Or Not.
Between the walls of such a place.
Defined by ambiguity.
Supervised by hope.
That I should find a place to start.

(ends)

#17 | Taking Beef With Beliefs. Pt 1.

Cue eye roll…

Yeah, it’s amazing how many people have created such a negative, Chinese fortune-cookie-fluff association, whenever it comes to addressing beliefs. And yet, without exception, every single one of my clients has THE most significant breakthrough whenever we get into what they really believe, and how those beliefs are contributing to their life-turbulence.

Negative beliefs suck

What makes them worse, is that they are often formed by stealth; at a very young age and in a way that sparks a self-perpetuating cycle of cause and effect, that buries them so deep into our identity that they can be very, very hard to change.

And yet they aren’t real. They are, in many ways, the cruellest trick that nature plays on us.

Here’s why

Our brains are set up to signal, and make decisions, to avoid pain and seek pleasure. When we’re young, filterless and at our most vulnerable, the events of life that play out around us, and the things we see, feel and hear can trick us into making false associations between the two. And these are what can quickly and tragically become the foundations of limiting beliefs.  Regardless of how absurd, misinterpreted and unintentional.

Example:

Some people didn’t show up for a birthday party when you were 7 (they just got the day wrong, nothing personal).

At the time, it hurt. Terribly. End of the world type pain.

“Maybe I am not likeable?” whirrs the mind. “That’s painful, we don’t want that. So we’ll start looking out for evidence to support it, and make decisions that avoid it entirely“.

And so on…

If we consider that foundational point of making an association as the trunk of a tree, what happens next is where the real problems start.

To keep you from the pain  – and so on the side of pleasure – the brain quickly wires itself up to look for ways to avoid it.  Its intention is kind and honourable, but sadly every time it does notice something, it layers the fledgeling belief with ‘supporting reference’ and starts growing roots. The more references we seek, the deeper the roots and the sharper the minds ability to notice and protect. So the cycle continues…

Beliefs = Values = Filters = Behaviour

It’s an irrefutable fact that identifying limiting beliefs, and learning how to change them is the single most self-empowering process we can go through. It’s particularly poignant to me at the moment,  not only as someone who is invested in helping people positively change but at the age of 6, my daughter is entering into her peak belief forming years (yup, it’s that young).

I’d be doing her a terrible injustice if I didn’t do my best to help her onboard some of the more empowering beliefs I wish I had taken on as a child. And that doesn’t mean overly controlling her worldview, it simply means providing a gentle layer of influence when I can on subjects such as self-worth,  money and wealth, confidence, ambition etc. whilst taking the time to interrupt and scramble any limiting tree trunks that might be forming in her delicate little head, whenever something seems to trouble her.

You might think being teased for bad breath at the age of 6, is harmless playground banter. But to a 6-year-old it can trigger something much deeper, long-term and harmful.

Yup, I take massive beef with beliefs. I was guilty of eye-rolling at them myself for years until I was forced into examining my own hardwiring. Only to be horrified at what I discovered. But as a wise man once said: “Clarity precedes, well, everything!”

So this series of posts are designed to spark a Belief Revolution. I’ll be sharing best practices and my own thoughts, experiences and experiments on how to:

  1. Identify limiting beliefs
  2. Unroot them and replace with empowering ones
  3. Rewire and establish new beliefs as your defaults

It’s not an easy process. But stay committed, and it could transform your life. And no, you’re not too old!

I’d also love to hear in the comments box below, anyone else’s thoughts and information they have on the subject of changing beliefs. It’s a topic I am devoting the lion’s share of my time to this year, so all contribution will be very gratefully received.

Finally, if you are struggling with limiting beliefs and would like some one-on-one support then please send me an email to christianhburne@gmail.com. I’d be delighted to help.

#16 | Dear Self…

…it’s the end of Jan. What you playing at? Not much? Too much? Not enough?
Shut TFU, take an audit, and reflect:
1. Working smart is much more of a force multiplier than just working hard and being busy. You’re not kidding anyone.
2. Are you finding 30 minutes to be still and silent every day?
3. Are you exercising for 20 minutes first thing in the morning? If not, put the phone down and get on it.
4. Once you decide to do something, anything, go all in. Don’t be the kitten with a ball of wool.
5. Procrastination is an escape mechanism for people scared to do their best work. Man up!
6. Give people x25 of the time and value they expect. You know what happens next…
7. Don’t do it if you’re not having fun. Period. There’s too much resentment in the world as it is.
8. If you’re not scared daily, you’re not growing. Again, man up and jump.
9. Be the most generous, optimistic and kind person in every room you’re in.
10. Your phone is costing you your fortune. Put. It. Down.
11. When you think no-one else believes in your vision, that’s when you absolutely must stay true to that vision. Have the guts to stay in the game far longer than it makes any sense. One day…
And so to Feb.